Day 104: What's that smell?

"Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

I must be insane. I put my shoes on the same way every day. I step outside and I walk around in the same way everyday. And everyday those shoes on my feet walk straight into dog poo. That's right folks. I'm sorry if that sounds crass, but it is the truth. If there is canine feces anywhere, I promise you, my feet will find it (Okay, it doesn't happen everyday, but it does happen at least once a month, which I think is well above the average). I think I might need to start approaching this differently.

It all started when I was fifteen. I was walking to the school bus (I was one of those really cool kids that took the bus to school everyday). It was snowing. I walked through the snow. I boarded the bus. I sat in my usual spot. The bus was stuffy, with the heater running. We had only been driving for twenty seconds when the most horrible stench reached my nose. It took about twenty more seconds for everyone on the bus to start screaming and moaning, demanding that whoever smelled like dog poo exit the bus immediately. Even the bus driver was making retching sounds. I, of course, was joining in the public exclamations, until I looked down and noticed something. My pant leg from the knee down looked awfully muddy. I looked at my shoe. It was also covered in mud. My heart sunk to my stomach as I realized not only was my shoe covered in the one thing that was making dozens of high school students filled with hatred and disdain, but my pants were also covered in it, somehow being transfered from my shoe to my pants while I crossed my legs (that was the only explanation I could think of). I frantically tried to wipe my shoe on the seat in front of me, separating myself as much as I could from the smell...but, as fate would have it, I was discovered, ratted out, and promptly ridiculed. I went straight to the bathroom at school to wash it off my shoes and pants, but I most definitely carried the faint stench with me the rest of the day.

This was just the first of many such instances. But having relived that experience in similar fashion THREE times in the last month, I can't help but think that I must be doing something wrong. I mean, seriously, three times?? So yeah, I get it. I feel like the universe is teaching me something important (that obviously has something to do with dating). I've narrowed it down to three different life lessons:

1) Men love good smelling women and I smell bad. Maybe I need to shower more often and Febreeze should be my new, inseparable companion.

2) Men want a woman that loves animals and I just think they are okay. I should love animals more and maybe they'll start to love me more (and stop leaving me lovely presents to step in).

3) Men want a woman that isn't afraid to get dirty. Maybe I'm overreacting about this and I should just embrace the fact that this is what my life will be...

Well, which one of these lessons I'm suppose to learn, I'm not sure. I guess I'll try to adapt my life to all of them.