Day 34: Coward?

"Only grown up men are scared of women." Kurt from The Sound of Music

I dated a guy once that openly told me he was a coward. And it was true. He was afraid of a lot of things. Dating, for one thing (that was a hurdle to get over). And women. And confrontation. And life, probably. At the time I thought that was unusual for a man. Now, I'm beginning to think it's more typical.

I was at a party, walking past this guy (who is cute, in case you were wondering) and he said, "Hi Kelly." I was a little taken back since we had never spoken before, and I wasn't sure how he knew my name. So I said, "Hi. How'd you know my name? If you know my name, why don't you ever talk to me?" He jokingly hid behind his friend, and told me it's because he was afraid of women. Typical. I just said okay and walked away.

This is my new tactic, to help me be less frightening to men. Short conversations, where I just walk away. it's working pretty well with this guy, since he came to find me to talk to me again...I'll keep you posted.

Day 29: Marry Who You Date

"Marry me, because I'd like to date you." Ryan Reynolds in The Proposal

If someone were to tell me that I avoid marriage by dating guys that I would never marry, they wouldn't be far from the truth. I dated a thug for about ten months, but it was never moving in the direction of marriage. Did I get anything from it? Yes, I became a rather good graffiti artist, learned some street slang, and tripled the Hip Hop music on my Ipod. Did I get a husband out of it? Well, the fact that you're reading this blog answers that question.

So, before any of you get too excited about my Second Chance Man, I'm going to try to get married by not pursuing him. Did we have a good time yesterday? Sure. Is he Mormon? No. Will I marry him? Not likely. Will I be his friend? Absolutely. I guess part of trying to get married is sticking to guys that you know you could potentially marry...so that's it.

Day 27: Second Chances

“Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.” Mary Tyler Moore

I love second chances, even more than first chances. Doesn't it feel great to regret something, and then get a chance to fix it? Like every good chick flick, where everything goes horribly wrong and is irreparable, and then by some miracle, the characters get a second chance and it ends happily ever after. Or like the times I pass a Steak and Shake and don't stop to buy a Frisco Melt. But then, before I leave the Midwest, I magically find another one, and get my second chance Frisco Melt.

(I would move to the Midwest for this alone.)

Or like the time I was "culturally insensitive" to the handsome man (see Day 24), and then I did see him again. I saw him today and I almost walked away, remembering our previous conversation. But, I didn't. I went up to him, we had a charming conversation, which ended in an exchange of phone numbers and plans for tomorrow.

Day 24: Say that again?

"I've said some stupid things and some wrong things..." Bill Gates

I have a problem. I say things without thinking. Whenever I'm with my friend, in public, and I turn to talk to him, he many times will say, "Kelly. Stop. Think about it. Is it an appropriate thing to say? Is this an appropriate time and place to talk about that?" And then I stop, and I think about it, and most of the time, it's not. So I don't say it. I wish I could carry him around in my pocket all day to stop me from saying things I shouldn't.

Here are just a few of the things I've accidentally let slip out of my mouth. After one week of dating, my boyfriend told me he loved me. Then I told him I loved him too, even tough I didn't love him. A week after I got my job, in an all employee meeting, I jokingly called my boss a liar in front of everyone. This week I accidentally said something culturally insensitive to a beautiful Jewish man-he really was beautiful...I'm hoping he can forget that little conversation before I see him again.

I'm committed to using my brain. I'm going to start thinking before I say things. Hopefully.

Day 20: Blind. Date.

"Blind date: Where the people involved have not met each other previously. The match could have been arranged by mutual friends, relatives or by a dating system" -Wikipedia

One of the greatest joys of single-hood is the blind date.

I went on a blind date this weekend. It went something like this:

Six days before the date:

10:00 pm - We talk on the phone for almost an hour about: His hobbies, his talents, his job, and Bolivia witchcraft stores.

Night Before the Date:

7:00 pm - I receive a voice mail message with a detailed description of how he'll be dressed so I'll recognize him (White collared shirt, sleeves rolled up to the elbow, dark jeans, sunglasses, and some schnazzy shoes whose brand name escapes me for the moment).

Date Night:

6:55 pm - Just in case I didn't get the clothing details right, he texts me once again to tell me his sleeves are rolled up.

7:00 pm - By a miracle I identify him at the top of the stairs, where it's him and two women.

7:00 pm - The conversation starts. We talk about his laser eye surgery, which I find hilarious for a "blind" date conversation. Get it?

7:05 pm - My first attempt at a joke, comparing him to Stevie Wonder...silence...maybe he doesn't like it Stevie Wonder.

7:20 pm - The guy taking our order is really cute, and exchanges a couple flirtatious smiles and comments with me...maybe the highlight of the night. He really was good looking.

7:30 pm - I make the fourth attempt at a joke and hit another brick wall...tough crowd.

7:35 pm - I pull out my moleskine notebook to write down a book suggestion of his.

7:36 pm - He goes off about how he had moleskine notebooks before they were popular and since he is an artist, he deserves to carry one, not like all the hipsters that think it's trendy.

7:37 pm - Time out. Is he calling me a trendy hipster not good enough for my notebook?

7:40 pm - We decide it's a nice night for a walk. So we walk.

7:40 pm - A 20-minute thorough discussion about the difference between medic teams and ambulances. It was interesting, but so were the two squirrels that were chasing each other around the park. I divided my attention between him and the squirrels. I thought that was only fair.

7:47 pm - I finally get him to laugh, only I wasn't being funny...I'm not even sure what it was I said, but it sure struck him as hilarious.

8:00 pm - A homeless man comes up to us and tells us all about this awesome concert that is happening that night. I think it sounds awesome. My date thinks otherwise. Against his better judgement, we walk to where the concert is, according to my friend Frank.

8:20 pm - No concert. Oops. That's the last time I'll trust Frank.

8:25 pm - My feet are tired. We've walked a couple miles and I'm in heels. I don't feel the need to impress anyone, so I stop for a second to change into the flip flops I carry in my purse, for just such an emergency. As I change my shoes, he tells me he's okay with me doing that, it doesn't bother him.

8:26 pm - I stand puzzled, wondering if dating etiquette now requires you to ask your date's permission to change out of heels. I guess I'm lucky that my date is generous enough to allow it.

8:31 pm - We get to the first metro stop, he suggests we keep walking...

9:00 pm - We're still walking, he's still talking. It's enjoyable enough, but not incredible.

9:24 pm - We're talking about something and biking comes up. I mention I hate biking more than anything in the world...he says he loves it, and then quickly finds a metro station. I guess that was a deal breaker.

9:26 pm - We hug and part ways. I get on the train and smile, thinking about the cute waiter. Oh yeah, and my date.

Conclusion: Nice guy, but not a match. I could use a little more laughter and a little more spark. And it wouldn't hurt if a guy could also get just as excited about crazy squirrels and homeless men with wild entertainment suggestions.

Day 17: Dumb it Down

"A woman, especially, if she have the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can." Jane Austen

I'm pretty sure that the first thing a married person thinks when they see a single woman my age is, "Poor thing! She must be miserable, being so old and so single." Then, the next thing they think is, "Something must be wrong, because it just doesn't make sense that someone would be single at that age!" They then continue to tell me all the reasons why I must be single (apart from the fact that I just don't "try" hard enough).

I've heard so many reasons, and I won't list them all now, but one of my favorites is "You intimidate men. You're too smart and too accomplished. Guys are just too afraid to ." First of all, what is that saying about all married women...? Second, what I am suppose to do to correct that? Be more approachable by being dull and witless? Sure, I'll give it a try.

My friend asked if his sister Juliana could stay the weekend with us. I said sure. She even called me that week to make some arrangements. My week got busy and I didn't think about it again. A week later, last night to be exact, I got a text message from an unknown number saying "Hi Kelly. Just wanted you to know I'll be in tomorrow around 3. Is that okay? -Juliana" I could not for the life of me think who this person was so I promptly responded, "I think you have the wrong number, I don't know who you are." I never got a return text, so that was the end of that.

I was driving today and out of nowhere started thinking, is this the weekend the sister is coming? Juliana! My memory finally came back, and I started apologizing profusely over text, telling her I knew who she was, and she could still stay at my house.

I'm pretty sure my friend was not that happy that I slighted his sister. Without even trying, I'm naturally developing a lack of common sense, but it doesn't seem to impress the men yet...but I think if I keep it up, it'll get 'em.

Day 15: Lock the Pantry

"Don’t make it easy for young men to hang out in a setting where you women provide the food. Don’t subsidize freeloaders...I think you should lock the pantry and bolt the front door." Dallin H. Oakes

We've been doing a lot of moving this week, and that has required a lot of male assistance. My male neighbors and friends have been more than willing to help us with this, so my roommates and I have been more than willing to feed them. You know, as payment for their moving services.

Well, what I didn't know was that if you feed a guy a couple times, I guess they come to expect it.

Our neighbors came down for something, and without an invitation, or a word from any of us, they went straight to the table to help themselves to our dinner we had not yet cleared from the table.

Unbelieveable! Our jaws dropped and we all just stared at them, wondering what had brought us to this point. So we did what good, single Mormon girls should do. We locked our pantries and bolted the front door.